stillborn

by soft idiot

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1.
2.
02:32
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00:39
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03:29
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03:22
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03:04
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03:17
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03:16
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11.

about

this album is about being born, dying, friends, love, addiction, anxiety, nothing, letting go,

credits

released March 11, 2017

most things by justin roth

except:
mike whalen played bass on "Carpet Bugs" and "Man Made God"
cullen quinn played drums on "Man Made God"
sagar vasishtha played harmonium on "Brother, Pt. 2"
liam mckenna played trumpet on "Geography" and "Brother, Pt. 2"
kennedy freeman and hannah baronak sang the harmonies in "brother, pt. 2"


recorded between september 2016 and february 2017 at the kennel and sagar's bedroom

thanks pat, ted, casey, maeve, bert, and everyone who played or sang on this album

sock puppet records 2017
spr 001

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about

soft idiot Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

dorm room sock rock bedroom pop

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Track Name: Everybody is Having Fun Without You
everybody is having fun without you
you're alone in your room
smoking weed to figure out
if you belong here
in the scope of everything
your life repeats itself
you are somebody else

i wanna feel the same
i wanna feel love like you
know my name, i wanna feel better but
everyday i'm alone in my room smoking weed
Track Name: Geography
i hope this music means something to you
cuz i don't feel it anymore
i hope the flowers grow up to your teeth
i hope you get everything you're looking for
and i tried being cool
and i try to be nice but
living like the living christ
don't matter much when all you want
is validation in blood red cups

i hope conviction means something to you
i hope the scar on my lung heals soon
if happy is a state of mind
i am bad at geography, i can't find it
it floats above me like wisps of smoke
that flow from my fingers in goldfish bowls
in a desperate attempt
to put out flames i have lost
but am trying to find again
Track Name: Brother, Pt. 1
i don't know where you are
envisioned as a star
it floats above and it stays in touch
and it don't care who you are

i think that i need drugs
but i think i'd take too much
so my fingertips feel like cement
like my mother's decent push

somewhere far from here
far from the tears
you've been crying, i can tell
like some child that you held
you're that child now
you're my brother in the clouds
he died so i was born
all in circles like the world
around the sun

the bruises on her neck
they fade into her chest
she's not comfortable with you around
it's just what you'd expect

the child's growing feet
my brother bares his teeth
her stomach swells and sweetly smells
of honeydew on leaves

somewhere far from here
with the ocean to your ears
so if you're crying i can't tell
if you need something yell
like my brother did
in his ghostly punishment
he lives with me now
and he dances on the sound
of her voice
she didn't want this dream but now
she's got no choice
as the weight in her belly
drags her down
Track Name: High
i am higher than i wanna be
i wanna be alone

when you die do you really die
who'd wanna be alone

do i love what i really love
do you believe in love

does my time mean anything
do you believe in time
Track Name: Get Hurt
austin gave a book of matches that was hanging around
at his house on the couch i was freaking out
i let them up watched them burn down through my frame
and all the while all my feelings all the time the same

i think i should give up drinking give up smoking weed
give up talking give up eating give up what i don't need
cuz i will get hurt no matter what we do tonight
and i appreciate your concern i just wanna feel alright

but i get hurt
no matter what
Track Name: Love Like
i wish you loved me like the fog
cradled bowls and alcohol
i wish you loved me like i did
feigned interest and indifference

wish my face weren't sore to see
wish that i could hear you speak
in a tone that would imply
love like a streetlight

tearing skin off of my lip
i wanna die like this
thinking about you before i sleep
your softness rises from underneath

take it easy
different than you would normally
you're so cute
when you're high i wish i were you

cuz you're the girl i wanna be
and an ideal you'll never meet
hanging out with our friends
there are no means there are no ends

take it easy
different than you would normally
and you're so cute
when you're high i wish i was too
Track Name: Carpet Bugs
i never wanted to stay in bed all day
thinking of the plans i made and how they all fell away
the way that i think of myself is the way that others think of me
and hanging out with my friends doesn't feel like where i should be

and calming down becomes of little possibility
fleeing social situations it always feels like i should leave
all these circles crashing down i wanna lose what i had found
endlessness won't add up to what i thought

i find myself wishing i could remember fewer of my nights
when they all feel the same slowly slipping by
outside at night i don't ever wanna go home
i don't wanna feel no more love i don't wanna be alone

and calming down is impossible
and i am laying on my floor
waiting for the carpet bugs
to come alive and eat me up
and i will crawl between the cracks
of sidewalk that the plants grow out
and i will die just i lived
covered in dirt beneath the ground

walking outside at night
my brother and his lonely life
hanging up overhead
i heard every word he said
Track Name: The Spines
if i had my way
my nails would be perfectly black
i would live in the grass
and keep my eyes pointed up
through the trees and the spines
that ring around the sky
and mirror our space
and my upward pointed eyes

but all i feel is pity for myself
i was never one to admit that i need help
so now i'm freaking out
sitting on the couch
in the living room of my friends' house

it's hard not to look
at your dress pulling up
and the rows of diamonds
that live inside your mouth
you're sitting on the couch
but you exist in my head
in the way that i want you
in a way i wish i was dead

but all i see circles crashing round
and bridges i built between bodies falling down
i've got some texts
i am too afraid to read
from someone who just wants to help me
Track Name: Man Made God
man made god in his image
and i created you the same
from clay to skin your flesh sits
to dust you'll go from dust you came

its not what i expected of you
just burning matches right down through
your frail frame it stops the strain
of gravity on your poor brain

man made cosmic family
just like the one in your old home
but mom got sick methamphetamine
now she's afraid to be alone

its not what i thought it would be
some terrible god i think i can see
myself reflected down to me
earth's so close to heaven

you move as if you're alive
but there is nothing inside
you're taking a drink to avoid
eye contact with your friend

you move as if you're alive
if only you hadn't died
you're taking a drink to avoid
eye contact with your friend
Track Name: From the Bathroom Floor
from the bathroom floor i feel so small
would you hold my hand did you watch me fall
lately i can't get through a night
without rethinking my whole life
and the only thing i know for sure
is the tile feels cool on my skin
Track Name: Brother, Pt. 2
brother can't you see
since you've been gone i've losing all my teeth
since you've been gone i can barely get to sleep
and my dreams don't exist anymore
brother can't you hear
your own crying i could swear it hit my ear
your body still but your face so filled with fear
you do not exist anymore

i told myself once
that i wouldn't get caught up
in anybody else's life
when this endless won't suffice
oh i'm so scared to die
hiding in the dark in the light

girlfriend don't make a sound
will you still love me when there's no one else around
will you still love me if i lose what i had found
and the cycle repeats in your brain
girlfriend don't look so sad
its just that i don't love you like i once had
now you're crying i know everything is bad
and i can hear the sound when i sleep

i told myself once
that i wouldn't get caught up
in other people's lives
when this endless won't suffice
oh i'm so scared to die
like my brother did before i was alive
i wanna live inside the light
i wanna feel like i'm alive
i wanna leave my brother behind
cuz he's never coming back
he was never here in fact
just a ghost with nowhere left to haunt